TRYING to Make Sense Out of the Senseless

I have been blessed with the ability to lift myself and I hope others, out of the minutia of life with humor.  It has been my coping mechanism that has gotten me through the murky waters of everything from a failed marriage to cancer survival. My editor (I have shoes older than she) is demanding…I mean firmly reminding me, that an article for my column is due.  After the recent unimaginable assault on the innocent in Connecticut, I just have not been able to “find the funny”. I am numb.

Paul Simon wrote lyrics about grieving. I am paraphrasing but as I recall he refers to a great loss as “A broken window on the soul where everyone can hear the wind blow.” Recently I had breakfast with my dear buddy and fellow cancer survivor Mike. He has buried a beloved son and a grandson. Mike is a man of faith and miraculously carries on even though there are still audible “gusts” of loss. Being with him, I understand there is no greater loss than that of a child.

I know no words of comfort for the families of such a senseless slaughter. The pain is beyond our comprehension and somewhere parents of the deceased are at this very moment reminding themselves to breathe. I had the pleasure of bonding with a bright eyed little 6 yr. old at a holiday party who told me all about the inside scoop of being a “mouse” in the Nutcracker while putting 8 layers of shiny lip gloss on me and giving me “princess eyes” with her stash of make-up. I had an “exhibit A” reminder of that magical age of twirling in dresses, Easy Bake ovens, and endless wonderment standing before me. How does one go on after the loss of one of these treasured “twirlers” and “explorers”?

I have lived peacefully with hunters up in our retreat up north and understand the right to bear arms (although I am more for “arming bears”) but could someone please explain to me why a semi-automatic weapon is needed to “harvest” a mammal or for target practice? Could someone please fill me in why parents of troubled teens have multiple weapons of destruction in their homes? I am the mother of an ICU nurse that deals with heroin addicts and gunshot wounds. Is it normal for me to be equally concerned about my middle daughter who will soon to be entering a classroom as a Special Ed teacher? Like the many educators I am blessed to have in my life, I know she would protect a child at all costs. PLEASE tell me when “hiding children in a closet from gunfire” became part of the criteria of being an effective teacher.

I pray that constructive dialogue, change and steps toward keeping our children safe emerge from the carnage. I have nothing to offer to the victim’s families but my prayers and concrete knowledge that even though HOPE is at times frail, it is impossible to kill and that love truly does conquer all.