MH's Mother Mayhem

Almost Toasted!

I swear my poor guardian angel is about to throw in the towel. I’m certain she is somewhere putting her feet up, having a nice Shiraz and mending to her singed wings. My child with ADD, who will remain nameless, decided to take a luxurious bath yesterday. I thought I was being very mature by not demonstrating any outward signs of envy considering the only time I have been in our big tub has been with scuba Barbie, surfer Ken and the kids. She had the works; candles surrounded her. In fact the scene reminded me of the time I went to see a movie with my Mom and Aunt where we witnessed intimate scene of candlelight and caressing. My Mom tried to cover my virginal eyes while my Aunt whispered in my ear, “If you find a man with a bathtub like that, you have my permission to do whatever you so desire.”

 

 I left for an event leaving her to soak in the ambiance. When I returned home she had left for the evening to go back to her other life at the dorm where there are no tubs and shoes are required to take a shower. I don’t recall the exact moment that I became the age when going to sleep becomes more exciting than heading out, but I am so there. Exhausted, I fell into bed. The Corgi could tell you if snoring occurred but she is never going to rat me out.

It had to be around 2 AM when my guardian angel sprang into action. I saw a strange light coming from the bathroom and a “popping sound”. Apparently, my daughter neglected to blow out the birch bark wrapped decorative candles from Pottery Barn! If I hadn’t discovered them I would be a crispy critter! Thankfully, being a survivor with implants, you wouldn’t need to dig out my dental records. I once saw a CSI episode where some “dude” torches his wayward girlfriend and all that is left of her is her “enhanced Ds” complete with serial code. At least part of me will live on!

So the tip for today comes from our courageous firefighting Uncle Donnie who suggests if you must have candles (he is not a fan) count how many you light and make sure you come up with the same number when you extinguish them. Tonight my little protective angel is most likely wondering why she drew the short straw when she could be watching over someone with a bit less mayhem.