Quit Starring at Closed Doors!

I had the honor of being part of a group of incredible women who met to map out their goals and dreams for the year ahead.  While waiting for things to begin I hung with a young mom, Kristi, who is also in the “pink survivorship” club. She informed me that she is no longer going to give any energy to the “Big C” and wants to leave cancer in the past. My Gram would always say, “If you have to go through Hell, don’t stop and take pictures!” I am trying to adhere to both of these wise women but at the same time I fear losing the “lesson” and man it is a valuable lesson.

Cancer, like I’m sure any life crisis, teaches you to live in the now and that this and every moment is a gift. Kristi and I discussed that when we were in the thick of things, even being stuck in traffic was a grand opportunity. I took it as the universe’s way of saying it was time to play the air drums to my favorite jams or pop in the “Learn German in 10 Minutes a Day” CD which tragically I am Ich bin noch nicht sehr gut (still not very good!). Lately, I feel as if I have slipped back into normalness.  The constant reminders (no hair, short- term memory loss or finding my checkbook in the freezer) of my potential mortality, are now happily a blurry distant memory. However, I still desire to hang on to that gift of turning the ordinary into the extraordinary.

I want to have BIG days even while doing the mundane. I want to say “YES” to things I normally talk myself out of doing. I want to be the one who lounges in my big bathtub, stay up late by the fire, and have pizza and homemade smoothies at midnight. My daughters and their friends are having far more fun in this house than I am! My “BIG” doesn’t have to be “Paris big” (although I’m open to offers-major hint here people). It can be splurging on a latte, taking time to read, reconnect with friends and playing catch the squeaky toy with the pooch. Somehow I have to figure out how to remember the lessons from being told that this beautiful life of mine could all come to a screeching end while simultaneously closing the door on that experience.

One of my heroes, Helen Keller once said, “When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we don't see the one that has opened for us.” I am ready to slam that door and jump into the one that has swung open. I hope you step into new doorways and HAVE A BIG DAY!